This isn’t a law firm or a hospital. We’re not keeping people out of prison and we’re not keeping people alive. We love what we do and we have fun doing it (with the requisite levels of professionalism without being a life-or-death industry). We’re amongst a new breed of recruiters prepared and willing to disrupt the market with a quirky, innovative way of doing things.
However sometimes, tales from the world of recruitment come across our radar that makes us laugh, has us scratching our heads in utter bewilderment or renders us completely speechless with spectacular examples of ineptitude, thoughtlessness or just classic, re-tweetable stupidity.
Here are a few that have caught our eye this month!
People Say the Oddest Things
Everyone who has ever been interviewed for a job knows it’s a pressure-cooker situation. Many stay in control and deliver the goods, but plenty say some VERY odd things, like these candidates…
Honesty Isn’t Always the Best Policy From Reddit, a recruiter wrote: During one of the interviews I was conducting, a candidate told me straight-up she didn’t have the proper authorisation to work in Australia. My first thoughts were to wonder how she made it through the initial screening but regardless, she carried on telling me that she changed cities every 18 months or so to escape a biker gang she used to run with. She then proceeded to tell me that if she did get the job, she’d immediately need eight months off (thanks to a disagreement with the police) and when she returned to work, her bail conditions said she could only work until 2pm.
Tell Me Something Interesting From America (unsurprisingly), a recruiter wrote: I’d always ask an interviewee to tell me something interesting about themselves they didn’t include on their CV. This is what one guy said: I was at the police station paying a parking ticket and I turned the corner to see a policeman wrestling with another guy who was trying to grab the officer’s gun and threatening to shoot him. I grabbed the guy, put him in a Rear Naked Choke, MMA-style and saved the policeman from getting killed. I reckon that’s interesting, don’t you?
Interviewer: What makes you think you’re right for this job [at Burger King flipping burgers]?
Candidate: I’m great with animals.
Interviewer: Did you bring your references with you?
Candidate: I’m sorry, I tried but they couldn’t get the time off work.
Candidate: I have a confession â€“ last week I got arrested for having a fight with my boss.
But it’s not only candidates who say stupid things, these interviewers need to know what’s appropriate and what isn’t…
Candidate: So, what happens now?
Interviewer: How would you feel if I asked you out on a date?
Candidate: When can I expect to hear if my interview was successful?
Interviewer: Right now. It wasn’t.
Candidate: Is there anything else you’d like to know about me?
Interviewer: Iâ€™m leaving next week so if Iâ€™m honest I couldn’t care less about you.
Interviewer: I’m sorry, I’m finding it hard to concentrate. Your eyes are magnificent.
Interviewer: Would you mind being less irritating, I’m seriously hungover from last night.
I Just Did It For A Laugh…
Just to finish up this insanity, cast your mind back to the late 1990s. The internet was accessed through a 56k dial-up modem that took four minutes to load a page and we all had those awful Compuserve email addresses with inboxes full of emails from friends that invariably started ‘I wouldn’t normally send stuff like this but this one’s funny’
The email that started it all off was this absolute gem from Greg Bulmash. It was sold as ‘an actual job application submitted to McDonald’s and the guy ACTUALLY GOT THE JOB!’
It wasn’t and he didn’t.
Bulmash was a graduate who got cheesed-off with the job application process so he decided, just for fun in April 1997, that he’d ‘fill out a job application the way I want to rather than the way I should.’
NAME: Greg Bulmash
DESIRED POSITION: Reclining. HAHA, but seriously, whatever’s available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that’s not possible make an offer and we can haggle.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle-management hostility.
SALARY: Less than I’m worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and Post-It notes.
REASONS FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30pm, Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS: Yes, but they’re better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PREVENT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50LB: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR: I think the more appropriate question here would be ‘Do you have a car that runs?’
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE: Only when set on fire.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy supermodel who thinks I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I’d like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE: No, but I dare you to prove otherwise.
SIGN HERE: Scorpio with Libra rising.
This email did the rounds for years and variants have appeared periodically, including one from a 75-year old guy applying to Walmart and there was even a press release sent out on the tenth anniversary of the original publication date. It has appeared on over 15,000 websites in dozens of languages and there have been managers of fast-food restaurants who have said they would have hired him if they’d have received it!
Anyway, we’ll be back with some more great water-cooler stuff in a couple of weeks but in the meantime, take a look through our vacancies to see if there’s anything you fancy.
Lastly, if there’s anything you want to read more about, do let us know and we’ll give it the utmost consideration.
Catch you soon.
The Liquid Team